Hello,
First the good news…I am going to live a while longer…if God is willing that is. To be very candid with you the way I have been feeling recently…to be absent from this diseased weary old body and present with the Lord would be an awesome thing. But God must still have something for me to do as I am still here.
Now the bad news…I have developed a new life altering medical condition that explains why I have been feeling the way that I have only recently…extremely tired, lack of interest in doing the things I once loved and enjoyed, experiencing memory-cognitive problems and suicidal ideation. It has felt like I have lost a part of my mind-memory and it has been very frustrating for me to deal with. And to be very clear…suicide is not the way that I want to die. Far be it from me to do so considering the fact that I am a lover and disciple of Jesus Christ. And yes, Christians DO get depressed, DO develop mental illness and CAN be suicidal without being in sin. I know there are some people who will disagree with me on that but oh well…read your Bible again and learn my brothers and sisters in Christ who disagree. Also read the book, Broken Minds by Steven Bloem and published by Kregel Publishing for more insight and invaluable information concerning Christians and depression/Mental Illness. Christians being human living in a sinful fallen world can and do experience both physical and mental illness. I know because I am one.
So now I have 2 brain tumors, a Bi-Polar Manic Depressive Disorder diagnosis for which I take a number of medications for and now a new and yet to be determined disorder that is having a profound effect on my entire life existence. It has yet to be determined because we have to decide whether my problem is with my Pituitary Gland or Thyroid Gland or both.
So…
More tests in the near future coming and then a determination as to what to do to try and resolve the problem…if it is possibe to do so. And if I only had 2 brain tumors and that is all I had then I would only have to deal with certain symptoms on a frequent basis such as balance issues, hearing deficit, memory and cognitive function and intracranial pressure. And the medications I take for my brain tumors cause fatigue, balance issues, and cognitive-memory problems. Then the Bi-Polar Condition causes mood swings, from high to low. And being Bi-Polar has its own set of symptoms to deal with some which are the same as of having a brain tumor. And the medications I take for that also affects me causing me to feel tired, could contribute to the balance problems I have, depression as well as cognitive-memory problems. And now what ever I ultimately have with this new condition also has been causing me severe fatigue (worse than I used to experience, depression, memory and cognitive issues as well as a few other symptoms that are not debilitating but are just a nuisance. The one thing all of this helps me understand is why I have not been able to write any book or music reviews or be on the computer for any length of time lately. It just has not been possible for me.
So, new light has been shed on what is going on with my body that has led me to this place where I am at today. I will know more after I see the doctor next week, he is off today, and get whatever tests done that need to be done to determine the best plan of attack. The doctor’s office advised if I experience any symptoms that require hospitalization to go to the emergency room to be treated and possibly admitted into the hospital. I have my orders from my doctor and I will follow them so if you email me or call me and do not get a response within 3 business days you can call my cell phone and if I am in the hospital my son will be able to give you the information.
I’m reminded of the Scripture, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:2-3.
I am rejoicing in my God and his goodness and praying for his guidance as I enter yet another phase of my life.
I love and appreciate you all!
Hope yours is a blessed Memorial Day weekend!
Amazed by His Grace,
Harold
Philippians 1:21
(267) 357-1292